I was at a local restaurant near the Las Vegas Strip, when a mother and father and there little girl came in.  This little girl was about 8 or 9 and had a formal dress and crown with a sash that said little Ms. something on it.  Every few minutes she would get up and adjust her sash and turn so everyone could see her.  I could hear the mother telling her how pretty she was and what a great job she did.  Several minutes later a man and two very attractive women got up to leave.  The man walked over to the table where Little Ms. Something was sitting.  The man congratulated her, then handed his card to the mother and told her to have the daughter call him when she turned 18, as he had alot of X beauty queens working for him.  Yes folks he was the owner of one of the local strip club.  The look on the mother’s face was great.  Maybe they will realize this is what she may end up as.

I was dropping off a fare at the Paris Hotel Casino, when a man with a suitcase came up to my cab.  He wanted to go to the airport.  I explained to him that he had to go to the doorman taxi stand to catch a cab.  This man had a doorman come over, and the doorman told me to take him, as he was Mr. Jim McMahon.  As he got into the cab I noticed his Superbowl Ring.  As we drove to the airport and he told me he came to Vegas several times a month, and had to fly to Oakland, but would be back it a couple days.  We never spoke of football, but I will tell everyone he was a very nice person.  As I got his bag out of the trunk, he paid the fare and shook my hand.  I told him it was great to have him in my cab, as I loved his dad Ed when he was on Johnny Carson.  Mr. McMahon got a funny look on his face and walked off.   Jim it was a joke!

The Cabs in Las Vegas not only serve the strip, but all the people in the Las Vegas Valley. I took a computer call in the Southwest part of the valley. This Sub-division was as far out as you can get, but the computer said it was a ride to Nellis Air Force Base. ( A Good Ride! )

When I arrived at the location, I noticed a for sale sign Bank Owned in the yard. I knew this was going to be a bogus call! I went to the door, but no answer, I called dispatch, and got the phone number left by the caller. I then called this number, and the young man said he would be right out. As I went back to my cab I noticed a boy looking out the window from the upstairs. When he saw me looking at him, he closed the blinds.

I redialed the number for the fare, but only got voice mail saying Hi this is Jimmy leave a message. As I opened the door to my cab, a women was pulling into the driveway where I believed Jimmy lived. I walked over to the women, and asked, Do You Have a Son Named Jimmy? she replied she did. I asked her if this was her son’s number, and she confirmed the number. I explained what Jimmy was doing, and she said please let me get him out here.

The women got Jimmy and came out to my cab. Jimmy claimed not to have made the call, but the mother made him give her his phone. She pulled up the last call he made on the phone, and asked me if this was the Cab Companies number. She then advised Jimmy to go up to his room, and get $30.00 from his savings. As Jimmy ran into the house crying, the mother put his phone on the driveway, got a rock and smashed his phone. She then went to her car and got a plastic bag and put the parts into the bag.

Little Jimmy came back out crying and begging his mother not to take his money. The mother handed me the money, then handed Little Jimmy the plastic sack and told him his phone had been canceled till he was 16.

I bet little Jimmy doesn’t play pranks for a long time. Well not from his phone anyway.

When Trump was in vegas to break ground on his hotel-Condo, I picked up four young ladies at Mandalay-bay. They wanted to go to the Clark County Government Center. I asked them what was going on down there. The young lady said they were interviewing a Government official. I was able to determine by the conversation they where with Trump. I figured One had been An Apprentice. As we drove to the location, the young women in the front seat said. ( Do you know who you have in the Back Seat). I looked in the rear view mirrow and said. ( Your Mary Ann on the reality show Gillians Island. ) Again I blew my Tip!, but honey your 15 minutes are over.

There are two kinds of telemarketer’s that still call me.  I’m on the do not call list, but will take these calls.   I love to mess with these people.  The first is the people that try to get you to change phone service.  I let them go through there whole spill until they get to the unlimited calls I can make.  I then ask them ( You mean I can make outgoing calls on your phone?)  I then tell them I can only make 911 calls on my present phone service, because of the Judges Order.  They hang up real fast.

You can also get to these people by saying your interested in all there services.  Have them explain in great detail about each and everyone.  They always then tell you they have to get there supervisor on the line to verify your switch and order.  The supervisor will get on the line to verify your order.  Just tell him you never said that, and hang up.

The other telemarketer is from your local daily newspaper.  They call and will ask Did you get your paper today?  If you say you did, they go on to the next number.  If you tell them you didn’t they start there sells pitch.  When they ask you this question, just start telling them all the problems your having with your paperperson.  Yesterday it was in the bushes, It was on my roof last Friday.  Three days a week it’s in my neighbor’s yard.  I kept a women on the phone for six minutes one day.

A simple tip for all Telemarkers is just tell them to hang on, because your really interested in there product, but someone is at the door.  Then put the phone down for 10 minutes.  I did this one time and when I picked up the phone 10 minutes later, the guy was still on the phone.  I told him there was a salesman selling the same product, and I purchased the service from him.

A new filipino driver that just arrived in this country, picked up there fare and took the people to a bank just off the strip.  As they went into the bank a bank robber ran out and jumped into the cab.  He ordered the driver to take off.  The driver refused, saying he already had a fare.  The robber then put a gun to the cabbie’s head but he still refused to leave.

The robber not knowing what to do got out of the cab and ran down the street.  He was captured two blocks away at a bus stop

This kind of thing must happen all the time in Olongapo Philippines!

It was 3am on a saturday morning, and as the doorman at Bally’s loaded the drunk in the front seat of my cab I took off.  I asked the man where too, and he replyed Sam’s Town.  I started too Sam’s town which is 6 miles from the strip, and hoped the drunk would just sleep.  No such luck!  As we drove to the casino, the drunk noticed my Taxi licence posted on the dash.  It lists your name, licence number and height and weight.  The drunk started to laugh and said 511 lbs.  you don’t look a pound over 400.  As my height is 5′ 11″ and I weight 240 lbs. this pissed me off.  The sound of the drunk laughing stopped and a faint sound of ( how will I get to Sam’s Town from here) was heard as I drove off and left the drunk in the parking lot of the closed grocery store.

I picked up a frenchman at the Wynn and was taking him to the Luxor. As we were driving to his destination, he noticed my taxi cab license and my name on it.

He asked if I was French?

My last name is a German name. The Frenchman then said “there are many people with that last name in the north eastern area of France”.

I told him again that it was a German name. I knew there were people in this area with the same last name as myself, as France kept a part of Germany after WWII.

The arrogant man again asked “are you sure you aren’t French” to which I replied again that it was a German name, but added that my father was in Paris during WWII and he was in the Ninth Panzer division.

The smile faded from the brie eaters’ face. As we pulled into the Luxor, Not  able to leave it alone. I said “my father said the women in Paris were really friendly”.

He tossed the money in the front seat, clearly he was fuming with anger as he exited the cab.

Fare to the Luxor - $10.40

Pissing off the frog - Priceless

Guys…you must now be told the bitter truth. The girls you find in strip clubs don’t really find you intersting, and haven’t made a connection with you. They aren’t hanging on your every word.

You are paying for their affection! There…I said it! HEH!

They have told you the time they get off work to keep you at the strip club. When they get off work…they wont be leaving with you, they will be leaving via the back door to the club….and a good percentage will be leaving with their girlfriends. LOL

Just so you know!

Best meal values in Vegas are found on Freemont St. They are kept low to get people to come to downtown Vegas.

Best meal values near the Vegas Strip are found at the Gold Coast Casino, Ellis Island Casino and Terribles Casino.

Best new performer is Terry Fator who can be seen at the Hilton.

Best new show is Jersey Boys at the Palazzo Hotel Casino.

If you like weird and are looking for a great value, see the Amazing Jonathan at the Harmon Theater in the Planet Hollywood.

……………………………

A question people ask me all the time is

“What’s your favorite place on the Vegas strip?”

My answer is the Happi Inn. The man who owns that piece of property walks outside everyday and says “$25 million an acre? Nah, I’ll wait till it hits at least $30 million an acre before I sell.”

…………………………….

People ask me all the time

“How can I win at the casino?”

The only sure way to win big in a casino is to get injured in one. (relax…i’m just kidding)

We love our California people.. They come to Vegas every weekend and spend their money.

But the state just passed a law saying that if you drive into Veas on the I-15 from California that you must park your car at the city limits and take public transportation into the strip.

This was enacted because they just don’t have enough police to write all the tickets for:

1.left turns from the righ lane

2. backing up on the strip

3. Stopping to watch the water shows at the casinos

4. going the wrong way down a casino drivway.

5. stopping to hug a tree.

But there is good news for our California drivers. If you want to driver into Vegas and stay out of the vegas strip, you can now park in handicap parking as all california plated cars are considered handicaped drivers. lol